Good News, Bad News

The good news is that today, I am going to share with you something that has taken me years to learn. The bad news is that I do not have an update for you on the condo progress today. Feel free to click away so you can find your tissue box at hearing this horrible news. I drove to Miami this weekend (10+ hour drive one way) and back with my boyfriend, so I have been a bit occupied. I guess I could have blogged from my iPhone on the road, but that would not have made me a very good passenger/fellow driver.

Anyway, I wanted to take a quick moment to give you some free advice. This advice has taken me most of my life to cultivate. It is an extremely valuable and awesome nugget of advicey goodness. It is better than Halloween candy. (Haha ha ha, that is obviously a joke. Nothing is better than candy.) Throughout my life I have struggled with a simple question, "What do you want to hear first: the good news or the bad news?" I almost hate that question because it sounds so simple. But how do you know which to choose? Is there some sort of flow chart based on my mood or the time of day that I can follow to decide if I need some good news or bad news first? Well, I am about to tell you how to find out which to choose. And don't worry, you don't need a flowchart.

Here is what to do: always ask for good news first. Because if you hear the bad news first, the good news isn't going to seem as good. And you will be crying and depressed and no amount of good news will be able to console you. That's all there is to it! Just get the good news first. Enjoy it, react happily to it (to the great joy of the messenger), and then hear the bad news and pout and become the spoiled and awful person that bad news brings out of everyone! Let me give you an example to help prove the point.

Scenario One:
Me: Do you want to hear the bad news or the good news first?
You: Bad news.
Me: I just crashed your car into a small concrete structure. It is mostly broken, and if it was a person, it would probably be dead!
You: I hate my life I hate you I hate cars! Everything sucks!
Me: Now for the good news. I am taking you to Disney World!
You: I still hate my life and Disney World sucks!

Scenario Two:
Me: Do you want to hear the bad news or the good news first?
You: Good news!
Me: I am taking you to Disney World!
You: That's amazing. You are so generous and I am so grateful. Sunshine and happiness!
Me: Ok, so now for the bad news. I crashed your car into a small concrete structure. It is mostly broken, and if it was a person, it would probably be dead!
You: It's OK. DisneyWorldSprinklesCandy!